So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
