The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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