i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I skipped work to stalk him.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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