Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
