think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
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