Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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