So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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