I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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