a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
