hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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