i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
