my mouth tastes like poor choices
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
