pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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