Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize