Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
