porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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