Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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