You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
