If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
