Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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