Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
