I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize