I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
