remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
