i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
