I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize