My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
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