After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
