so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
