I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
