I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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