Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
