the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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