he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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