that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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