hotel room ftw
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
