Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
