smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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