Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
There's always time for handjobs
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
ok first of all what the fuck
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
