im so drunk with asians
where?
always
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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