The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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