I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
