haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
