I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
