i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
