You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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