I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
