How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
