I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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