I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
operation have a gay friend backfired
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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