summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
