So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
