He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize