Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
