she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
