Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
