I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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