and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
