Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
