They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
