Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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