I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
