Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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