my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize