when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
