Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
How external is "for external use only"?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
