the new term for farting is butt boxing.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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