You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
