There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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