Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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