He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
