I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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