Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
