Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish ðŸ€
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
