Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Sext me about skeletons
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
